Cafe Hollander

F O O D



fish choice:
1 2 3 4 5
There is only one fish: cod. (Granted, that's the best fish. For a fish fry, anyway. But still. There's just one.)

fish to batter ratio:
1 2 3 4 5
more batter than fish

crispiness of batter:
1 2 3 4 5
The outside was crispy, and it was beer batter. But there was this strange thing going on with it. It was as if the oil in the fryer was too hot or something. The outside was crispy, but there was a layer of mushiness between the outside batter and the fish.

freshness/fishiness:
1 2 3 4 5
we suspect frozen; no traces of fishiness, though

It was good, but a bit too greasy/oily.

texture of fish:
1 2 3 4 5
good, if oily: decent

condiments:
1 2 3 4 5
lemon, tartar sauce, ketchup

The lemon was freshly cut and juicy. The ketchup, however, was a bit vinegary.

coleslaw:
1 2 3 4 5
fabulous

Crispy, tangy, firm, creamy, sweet, had some seasoning in it. Superb. The best coleslaw we've had thus far.

fries:
1 2 3 4 5
This is a toss-up. Nate likes thick fries while Tea likes thin fries. These were thin, and, for Tea, delicious. For Nate, disappointing. Both agreed, however, that they were way too salty. Almost like McDonald's without the fatty grossness coating.

bread:
1 2 3 4 5
There wasn't any.

beer:
1 2 3 4 5
excellent

This is one of Café Hollander's specialties. We got a beer flight with four beers: Kwak, Triple Carmellet, Linneman's Framboise, Hennepin Farmhouse Ale. The Kwak was dark and nutty. Triple Carmellet smelled like a meadow with freshly bloomed flowers, including clover. It tasted like jasmin. The Linneman's Framboise smelled like raspberry Kool-Aid. It was tart, tangy, and entirely fruity. The Hennepin Farmhouse Ale would have been amazing if it weren't for the other three overshadowing it. Nate calls it a session beer—you can sit with it and drink it all night. It is reminiscent of Hoegaarden.

A M B I E N C E



smokiness
1 2 3 4 5
There is smoking allowed, but we did not smell it, thankfully.

'sconni-ness
1 2 3 4 5
not 'sconni at all

It is, however, owned by these hipsters famous for making atmosphere bars around town. So in one sense, it's very Milwaukee, but new Milwaukee. Laverne and Shirley never would have gone there. Also, our pal Jon was working and he had a tattoo of the state outline on his forearm and a Brett Favre on his bicep with a football with wings. His girlfriend had "Milwaukee" in the Milwaukee font. So there was some 'sconni pride going on, but nothing we'd call an inherent part of the permanent picture.

service
1 2 3 4 5
but only because we knew the servers

We've heard woeful tales (and also experienced moments) of horrendous service there.

speediness
1 2 3 4 5
faster than a flash

We barely sat down and our food was on the table. Also, we were told it might be a 1/2 hour to 45 minute wait and we were already eating within what seemed to be 15 minutes of arriving.

kid friendliness
1 2 3 4 5
Folks bring their kids there (especially hipster folks), but we didn't really notice too many. So it's another one of those places where it's fine to bring them, but no one mistakes it for Chuck E Cheese.

Pitch's

Outside the building:



Sign 1 up close:



Sign 2 up close:



F O O D


fish choice:
1 2 3 4 5
a bunch of variations of cod plus a little perch and a few crustaceans thrown in for good measure

fish to batter ratio:
1 2 3 4 5
way more fish than batter

This is preferable to too much batter.

crispiness of batter:
1 2 3 4 5
pretty crispy, but not so thick that it had a chance to get super crispy

freshness/fishiness:
1 2 3 4 5
we suspect frozen; no traces of fishiness, though

It was good, but a little dense and on the bland side, so it seemed as if it must have been preserved before it was cooked.

texture of fish:
1 2 3 4 5
kind of chewy, but not like rubber

It wasn't so much rubbery as it was dense.

condiments:
1 2 3 4 5
lemon, orange, tartar sauce, ketchup

coleslaw:
1 2 3 4 5
super creamy

I had a salad with REAL mixed greens and REAL blue cheese crumbles. It was awesome. It even had cherry tomatoes. I was not expecting an actual salad. Places like this tend to serve iceberg. Actually, EVERYWHERE tends to serve iceberg. So I was VERY pleased.

Nate says the coleslaw was cream with a side of cabbage. They get points for even being able to make the coleslaw unhealthy. It was fresh, though.

fries:
1 2 3 4 5
Those were good fries.

bread:
1 2 3 4 5
raisin bread, bread sticks, Italian with sesame

The Italian bread was tasty in the most run-of-the-mill way. They probably source it from the same bakery as everywhere else. It's good bread. What can we say? Maybe even Sciortino's from down the block. Meanwhile, what was up with the raisin bread?

beer:
1 2 3 4 5
all Miller all the time

Despite the fact that it was totally representin' 'sconni style with the Miller products, I did have the one delicious import and it was a knockout: Franzeskaner Hefe-Weiss. Bonus: Spotted Cow on tap.

A M B I E N C E



smokiness
1 2 3 4 5
had to walk through smoky bar to get there

The bar looked totally freakin' awesome in that old skool kinda way. But still, it was smoky in that old skool kinda way, too. There was a geriatric drinking party going on. We found out where the locals are spending their social security checks. The dining area was smoke free and fabulous.



'sconni-ness
1 2 3 4 5
right up there with cheese curds and brats

We absolutely MUST mention that the interior of the place was an unexpectedly fabulous wonderland beyond all expectations. We had no idea there would be giant Art Nouveau stained glass, back-lit portraits of fancy ladies in flowing robes. Who knew? It felt like a place Frank Sinatra would have gone. There were also wonderful lamps everywhere. It was almost as good as the Hob Nob. ALMOST. And don't forget: Holy Fake Flowers, Batman! Like a funeral at a wax museum.



service
1 2 3 4 5
very 'sconni

The server was prompt and served with style. She had the Hefe-Weiss twist down pat.

speediness
1 2 3 4 5
fast as hell

kid friendliness
1 2 3 4 5
Dunno. None there. Maybe not so friendly. We were the youngest people by about 60 years.

Brit Inn

F O O D



fish choice:
1 2 3 4 5
battered and fried cod or grilled salmon

Cod is the standard for fish frys, but some places 'round these parts have more options than that. The Brit Inn only offers two and the second isn't fried, so it doesn't necessarily count as a fish fry. The grilled salmon, however, did look like a really tasty and healthy choice, so it's an excellent alternative if you're stuck going with the family and still want to stick to a somewhat healthy diet.

fish to batter ratio:
1 2 3 4 5
more batter than fish

crispiness of batter:
1 2 3 4 5
nicely golden brown, crispy, and thick.

It had an excellent breading texture, but there was no trace of beer; it did not appear to be beer-battered.

freshness/fishiness:
1 2 3 4 5
as with most deep fried foods, it's hard to tell just how fresh it is, but it was definitely not fishy

It may have been frozen, but we could have just as easily believed it was caught today. This is a huge plus in our book.

texture of fish:
1 2 3 4 5
excellently light and flaky

It had a bit of moistness to it, but not the type that one would characterize as slimy or rubbery. It was also not so light and flaky as to be brittle or dry. It was akin to al dente, for a fish anyway.

condiments:
1 2 3 4 5
lemon, tartar sauce, ketchup, malt vinegar

coleslaw:
1 2 3 4 5
fresh, light, crispy, finely shredded in little strings with some disks thrown in, good texture, not heavy on the sauce at all

It seemed to be oil rather than cream-based, but not soggy with oil. This is a sign of professionals. They do not underestimate the importance of fresh cole slaw and how it plays into the whole fish fry meal experience. It was definitely not soggy sauer kraut and half-and-half like so many other Milwaukee fish fry joints think they can get away with. (You're not fooling us!)

fries:
1 2 3 4 5
a touch mealy, not the crispest, but not super soggy: pretty much middle of the road; good level of saltiness, though

bread:
1 2 3 4 5
marble rye, soft but not soggy or rubbery, really good flavor

beer:
1 2 3 4 5
good imports

A M B I E N C E



smokiness
1 2 3 4 5
not too bad

Some smoke was at the bar, but not enough to bother us at the eating table. We didn't come home smelling like smoke.

'sconni-ness
1 2 3 4 5
completely lacking in the 'sconni factor

What can I say? It's a British-themed pub and all the employees are British, so it's not going to be very 'sconni. Also, it's in Shorewood, so the patrons are mosly white liberals.

service
1 2 3 4 5
decent

The waitress seemed a little rushed or harried or grumpy or something. Probably because it was slammed busy and she seemed to be the only one, so I wouldn't necessarily hold it against her or expect her to be too chatty. But I also didn't leave feeling like she was going to be my new best friend.

speediness
1 2 3 4 5
the food arrived super fast

kid friendliness
1 2 3 4 5
yes

The only reason I put this at a 4 instead of a 5 is because the place wasn't overrun with screaming children, so while it was a nice atmosphere where families could take their kids, it didn't seem like people have the impression that it's a sustitute for Chuck E Cheese. Which is good. In fact, all of the kids were very well behaved and left me with the impression that it would be very nice to have them some day. Also, there was a really cute dad/son team that came in and asked if they could use the dart board where we were sitting. Then they proceeded to play a game of darts and it left me with a very warm feeling in my heart. Dad/son bonding. My dad used to have a dart board. He taught my brother and me how to play. My brother was way better at it than I was. I sucked. For a while it was a fun family activity, though. My dad was really into it and it was good to have something to share with him. Later it devolved into him hanging out in the basement by himself, downing beers, chain smoking, and throwing darts. But for a little while it was fun anyway. And I think my brother would play darts down there sometimes, too. Anyway, the noise level was to a minimum and all of the kids there were more like funny little monkeys than bratty little hyper sugar-cracked monsters. All in all, a very pleasant atmosphere.